The drudgeries of life
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Endings and Farwells
*Sighs*
It seems like I've been performing a SWOT analysis of myself for quite some time. And each post is probably a repercussionof the same.
Two weaknesses of mine are quite obovious!
First is an incapability to properly deal with the ending of anything remotely good, be it a movie, a book, a relationship, a conversation, a game, a journey, a visit, anything for that matter. The main reason why I suppose I don't enjoy things to the maximum is because I'm hounded by thoughts of its end not being far away! I'm reminded of my childhood where I used to take really small bites or nibble at icecreams or goodies just to make sure that they lasted longer. It took me time to realize the sad truth that nothing lasts forever!
I guess it'll be the same case when my life is about to end! No, I don't think about death... I'm too busy enjoying my life, and I'm thankful for that! Watching myself dying is something I so don't want to deal with! Call me a coward or whatever, but I really pray that I don't have a miserable, slow death... as compared to lying in bed with a terminal disease eating me up slowly by slowly, or being injected with poison which takes effect at a miserable, leisurely pace, I'd prefer getting struck by lightening, getting shot in the heart, getting swiftly run over! That's it... over in a jiffy!
But anything said and done, endings make me realize how greedy I am... there's always a lingering feeling of had I got a little more of it, a little more time, a longer conversation, a never-ending story, a slef-replenishing bank account :D, a little more room in my tummy to prolong the meal, etc.
Farewells! I suck at them, that too big time! I always hated saying good byes and so longs... I somehow used to get misty eyed as the time to take leave came nearer, and by the time I was leaving, I'd be crying like hell! It amazed my parents how much I could cry! This went on till I was in the 7th standard! When I left my parents and sister for college, I promised myself I'd not shed a tear and though I had that stinging in my eye as I saw them off, I didn't let a drop spill! But the damn college farewell did me in! It was probably the 4 years of beautiful friendships, the strong bonds I had forged with the place and its inhabitants that made me lose my grip on myself! I cried like a kid amidst the closest of my friends! It just sort of happened! Not that I'm embarrassed or anything (why would I be publicising it otherwise), it's just to highlight the fact that though farewells are a part of life, growing accustomed to them is not at all easy!
Life has its way of playing cruel jokes on you... but it makes up for the same in other ways!
An anonymous "Good Morning" message on your desk, some lovely smses, some really long yet cherished mails, happy coincidences, serendipity, long talks about nothing in particular... Who knows remembering these little things might make moving on all the more difficult at some point, but isn't it wiser to live for the moment?
It seems like I've been performing a SWOT analysis of myself for quite some time. And each post is probably a repercussionof the same.
Two weaknesses of mine are quite obovious!
First is an incapability to properly deal with the ending of anything remotely good, be it a movie, a book, a relationship, a conversation, a game, a journey, a visit, anything for that matter. The main reason why I suppose I don't enjoy things to the maximum is because I'm hounded by thoughts of its end not being far away! I'm reminded of my childhood where I used to take really small bites or nibble at icecreams or goodies just to make sure that they lasted longer. It took me time to realize the sad truth that nothing lasts forever!
I guess it'll be the same case when my life is about to end! No, I don't think about death... I'm too busy enjoying my life, and I'm thankful for that! Watching myself dying is something I so don't want to deal with! Call me a coward or whatever, but I really pray that I don't have a miserable, slow death... as compared to lying in bed with a terminal disease eating me up slowly by slowly, or being injected with poison which takes effect at a miserable, leisurely pace, I'd prefer getting struck by lightening, getting shot in the heart, getting swiftly run over! That's it... over in a jiffy!
But anything said and done, endings make me realize how greedy I am... there's always a lingering feeling of had I got a little more of it, a little more time, a longer conversation, a never-ending story, a slef-replenishing bank account :D, a little more room in my tummy to prolong the meal, etc.
Farewells! I suck at them, that too big time! I always hated saying good byes and so longs... I somehow used to get misty eyed as the time to take leave came nearer, and by the time I was leaving, I'd be crying like hell! It amazed my parents how much I could cry! This went on till I was in the 7th standard! When I left my parents and sister for college, I promised myself I'd not shed a tear and though I had that stinging in my eye as I saw them off, I didn't let a drop spill! But the damn college farewell did me in! It was probably the 4 years of beautiful friendships, the strong bonds I had forged with the place and its inhabitants that made me lose my grip on myself! I cried like a kid amidst the closest of my friends! It just sort of happened! Not that I'm embarrassed or anything (why would I be publicising it otherwise), it's just to highlight the fact that though farewells are a part of life, growing accustomed to them is not at all easy!
Life has its way of playing cruel jokes on you... but it makes up for the same in other ways!
An anonymous "Good Morning" message on your desk, some lovely smses, some really long yet cherished mails, happy coincidences, serendipity, long talks about nothing in particular... Who knows remembering these little things might make moving on all the more difficult at some point, but isn't it wiser to live for the moment?
Saturday, March 24, 2007
This, that
Even though I've attained mastery in the activity, just the other day I realized that real pleasure is found not in devouring a bar of chocolate or an icecream but in licking off what remains of it on the wrapper or cup! Messy and disgusting... well, yes! Sure to draw unwanted attention... yes! But why should I compromise on something which gives me a feeling of satisfaction just to please a bunch of people who I'm sure when left to themselves and given some privacy would love to do exactly that?! That's me for you!
Wrong I maybe in my reasoning but I hate the fact that most of the time, the things that we do or say are governed by what others will have to say, or how others will react! It holds true for many people, me included! All the time we're bothered about how it will affect our relationship with others!
Talking of relationships, I'm astonished at the complexity of some! Friendship, for instance, has much more to it than meets the eye! Friends hold a lot of power... at their own whim, they can make you laugh and cry, they can give you the "Life is awesome" feeling or they can do things which depress you like anything, they can make everything else in life seem worthless except their invaluable friendship, or the things they do can make life itself seem worthless, they can give you a chance to be yourself while trying to rectify your flaws, or, on the other hand, they can turn a blind eye to your shortcomings, accepting you as you are! Talk of omnipotent beings... they can make you or break you, so as to speak!
Speaking for myself, I'm glad to have such great friends... I'm not sure everyone holds the same opinion for me, but not everyone is perfect! To all my pals, be it people from the virtual world, my colleagues, my ex-classmates and ex-batchmates, thanks for everything fellas, and ladies;)! I'm feeling so good these days that I can bet I've been unwittingly strutting and dancing on the streets:D!
So many things are on my mind, and I so would love to type them all out! But I still can't decide what to and what not to...
India's miserable loss to the Lankans yesterday left me in no doubt that these louts in blue just don't deserve to move on to the Super Eights! So, if anyone who's hoping for the defeat of Bangladesh to Bermuda, get real! Don't how humiliating a loss they'll suffer if they face the other big, bad teams!
Take care ye all! Happy weekend!
Wrong I maybe in my reasoning but I hate the fact that most of the time, the things that we do or say are governed by what others will have to say, or how others will react! It holds true for many people, me included! All the time we're bothered about how it will affect our relationship with others!
Talking of relationships, I'm astonished at the complexity of some! Friendship, for instance, has much more to it than meets the eye! Friends hold a lot of power... at their own whim, they can make you laugh and cry, they can give you the "Life is awesome" feeling or they can do things which depress you like anything, they can make everything else in life seem worthless except their invaluable friendship, or the things they do can make life itself seem worthless, they can give you a chance to be yourself while trying to rectify your flaws, or, on the other hand, they can turn a blind eye to your shortcomings, accepting you as you are! Talk of omnipotent beings... they can make you or break you, so as to speak!
Speaking for myself, I'm glad to have such great friends... I'm not sure everyone holds the same opinion for me, but not everyone is perfect! To all my pals, be it people from the virtual world, my colleagues, my ex-classmates and ex-batchmates, thanks for everything fellas, and ladies;)! I'm feeling so good these days that I can bet I've been unwittingly strutting and dancing on the streets:D!
So many things are on my mind, and I so would love to type them all out! But I still can't decide what to and what not to...
India's miserable loss to the Lankans yesterday left me in no doubt that these louts in blue just don't deserve to move on to the Super Eights! So, if anyone who's hoping for the defeat of Bangladesh to Bermuda, get real! Don't how humiliating a loss they'll suffer if they face the other big, bad teams!
Take care ye all! Happy weekend!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Jumbled feelings
The cold breeze was rushing past, ruffling my already messy hair.... the sky was clear, not a single cloud in sight... I stood rooted to my spot! I genuinely take pleasure in taking long walks after dinner, but tonight was different. The onset of Summer was obvious, and after taking a shower, it felt wonderful just to stand at a spot watching the city lights, while mulling over the numerous things running through my mind, the chilly thrust of the night air now and then inciting a pleasureful sigh... After ages of neglecting the divine task, I guess I prayed! For once, I'd have loved to have a blank mind, a mind devoid of thoughts, feelings, emotions, vacillations, judgmenents, assumptions! Just this once...
It's a wonder how things in life work out so well! Hiccups in friendships are inevitable! Misconceptions are so like the damn speed-breakers we come across on the roads which, whether we like it or not, slow us down, act as barriers! We need to master the art of changing to appropriate gears as and when life demands it! I'm still a tyro when it comes to that! Without even a word being uttered, tension sets in at times and just nodding a polite hello seems like a lot of strain! Thank God, not everyone has an ego as biiig as mine, else I'd have lost half of my cherished friends over petty squabbles! And thank God for SMS technology (except for the Idea ringtone messages I keep getting when I am expecting something quite different:D)! It's so very convenient to patch up differences over a couple of messages and then resume from where you had actually left off! Life is beautiful again!A sense of déjà vu sets in! Sounds like a lot of muddled gibberish? Wasn't intended for everyone anyway!
Of late, I've been feeling nostalgic like hell! It's not that I miss someone or something in particular, but it's just a general state of mind! And it seems that most of the people I come across are nostalgic chaps as myself! Just my luck! Getting in touch with old classmates from school thanks to Orkut, getting an unexpected call from a really good friend from college who had more or less vanished into thin air... the fact that I suck at long-distance relationships drives me to make these work, alongwith resuming old ties too, rather than add them to the long list of had-been-awesome-while-it-lasted category of relationships! Sighs!
It's a wonder how other people can affect my life so much! Be it someone who I've never met, somebody I came across on the net, people who work with me, folks in the adjoining cubicles, roommate, flatmates, friends, family, kids and families living in the same society, et al! And coincidences seem to be on the cards, or maybe I'm looking for them in every second person that I come across! Double sighs!
At times, I feel being candid here is stupid... I have a diary to serve exactly that purpose! But for some reason which evades me, I type it all out! Maybe I take sadistic pleasure in perplexing innocent bloggers :P!
It's a wonder how things in life work out so well! Hiccups in friendships are inevitable! Misconceptions are so like the damn speed-breakers we come across on the roads which, whether we like it or not, slow us down, act as barriers! We need to master the art of changing to appropriate gears as and when life demands it! I'm still a tyro when it comes to that! Without even a word being uttered, tension sets in at times and just nodding a polite hello seems like a lot of strain! Thank God, not everyone has an ego as biiig as mine, else I'd have lost half of my cherished friends over petty squabbles! And thank God for SMS technology (except for the Idea ringtone messages I keep getting when I am expecting something quite different:D)! It's so very convenient to patch up differences over a couple of messages and then resume from where you had actually left off! Life is beautiful again!A sense of déjà vu sets in! Sounds like a lot of muddled gibberish? Wasn't intended for everyone anyway!
Of late, I've been feeling nostalgic like hell! It's not that I miss someone or something in particular, but it's just a general state of mind! And it seems that most of the people I come across are nostalgic chaps as myself! Just my luck! Getting in touch with old classmates from school thanks to Orkut, getting an unexpected call from a really good friend from college who had more or less vanished into thin air... the fact that I suck at long-distance relationships drives me to make these work, alongwith resuming old ties too, rather than add them to the long list of had-been-awesome-while-it-lasted category of relationships! Sighs!
It's a wonder how other people can affect my life so much! Be it someone who I've never met, somebody I came across on the net, people who work with me, folks in the adjoining cubicles, roommate, flatmates, friends, family, kids and families living in the same society, et al! And coincidences seem to be on the cards, or maybe I'm looking for them in every second person that I come across! Double sighs!
At times, I feel being candid here is stupid... I have a diary to serve exactly that purpose! But for some reason which evades me, I type it all out! Maybe I take sadistic pleasure in perplexing innocent bloggers :P!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Love, actually!
It was love at first sight!
No, not an infatuation this time... Love!
For those of you who can't believe such a thing can happen to me... believe!
From the moment I set my eyes on her, I knew she was made just for me *sighs*!
She was sorrounded by so many of her friends, but well, for once I was concentrating on just one at a time... her!
Just couldn't take my eyes off her! Was waiting to have her all to myself! Having such intense desire is so unlike me :O
Doing all that I could, I finally managed to separate her from her group! It took time and effort but boy! Was it worth it!!
Finally, we were all alone... just the two of us!
For once, I really felt that I was off to a sexy start in such relationships... the previous ones have been somewhat slow and dull, even rocky at times!
So, we hit the road... I was brimming with love for her!
And I let her know exactly how I felt about her by my gestures... at times I gently let my hands graze her body... Her gentle purrs were reason enough for me to keep at it!
I continued to stroke her with one hand while the other held on to her firmly...
Obscene?! Says who?!
For a first date, I had acheived a lot! And that too without uttering a syllable!
The drive was 12 KM long and throughout the journey, I got to know her better... not inside out but there is time for that...
When people on the road turned their heads to catch a glimpse of her, I didn't feel jealous in the least... I felt so damn proud!
When I left her in front of B12 at Infy, I really felt a bit miserable to be spending the next couple of hours away from her...
Now I know what love and being possessive is all about!
The only disappointing thing, though, is that the shes and hers in this post refer to *Disclaimer: The author is not to be hunted down after reading what's next* my brand new, black 150 cc, DTS-i Pulsar :P!
Well, what can I say?! Not a single word in this post was false... I meant what I wrote from the bottom of my heart!
As for the ladies, good news eh :P? I apologize for stopping your heartbeats but now you're enlightened to the fact that I'm still single ;)!
LOL! See you all! I'm off for date number two :P
No, not an infatuation this time... Love!
For those of you who can't believe such a thing can happen to me... believe!
From the moment I set my eyes on her, I knew she was made just for me *sighs*!
She was sorrounded by so many of her friends, but well, for once I was concentrating on just one at a time... her!
Just couldn't take my eyes off her! Was waiting to have her all to myself! Having such intense desire is so unlike me :O
Doing all that I could, I finally managed to separate her from her group! It took time and effort but boy! Was it worth it!!
Finally, we were all alone... just the two of us!
For once, I really felt that I was off to a sexy start in such relationships... the previous ones have been somewhat slow and dull, even rocky at times!
So, we hit the road... I was brimming with love for her!
And I let her know exactly how I felt about her by my gestures... at times I gently let my hands graze her body... Her gentle purrs were reason enough for me to keep at it!
I continued to stroke her with one hand while the other held on to her firmly...
Obscene?! Says who?!
For a first date, I had acheived a lot! And that too without uttering a syllable!
The drive was 12 KM long and throughout the journey, I got to know her better... not inside out but there is time for that...
When people on the road turned their heads to catch a glimpse of her, I didn't feel jealous in the least... I felt so damn proud!
When I left her in front of B12 at Infy, I really felt a bit miserable to be spending the next couple of hours away from her...
Now I know what love and being possessive is all about!
The only disappointing thing, though, is that the shes and hers in this post refer to *Disclaimer: The author is not to be hunted down after reading what's next* my brand new, black 150 cc, DTS-i Pulsar :P!
Well, what can I say?! Not a single word in this post was false... I meant what I wrote from the bottom of my heart!
As for the ladies, good news eh :P? I apologize for stopping your heartbeats but now you're enlightened to the fact that I'm still single ;)!
LOL! See you all! I'm off for date number two :P
Labels: Love
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Hmph
Some days are like that... for no rhyme or reason, you feel irritated, pissed off, impatient, fidgety, depressed, lethargic, worthless, guilty, sick, sweaty, workless! And just when everything in life seems to be going great... except for the running nose of course!
Had a really wonderful time celebrating Holi with friends and acquaintances! Going by my previous post, it was totally unexpected but I had one helluva time! It's kinda odd that though everyone in the gang was soaking wet, drenched in colors, for some 3 odd hours, I was the only one who caught the cold and cough! The Holi feast for which we were invited to the ladies' house was like yummy! A perfect day, Sunday turned out to be!
Getting back to the present, I still am in awe of poeple who don't cringe, whinge and complain when faced with problems (unlike myself... I indugle in such behavior)! Pray tell me how you can manage to laugh plenty, fool around, crack jokes, seem oblivious to all the extra burden that life keeps generously adding to your kitty?
And look what Orkut had to offer:
Today's fortune: Your luck has been completely changed today
Dammit! Are these fortune messages for real or are they mere generalizations? Are these dictated by how my life proceeds or is my life being dictated by what's mentioned in these?
Had a really wonderful time celebrating Holi with friends and acquaintances! Going by my previous post, it was totally unexpected but I had one helluva time! It's kinda odd that though everyone in the gang was soaking wet, drenched in colors, for some 3 odd hours, I was the only one who caught the cold and cough! The Holi feast for which we were invited to the ladies' house was like yummy! A perfect day, Sunday turned out to be!
Getting back to the present, I still am in awe of poeple who don't cringe, whinge and complain when faced with problems (unlike myself... I indugle in such behavior)! Pray tell me how you can manage to laugh plenty, fool around, crack jokes, seem oblivious to all the extra burden that life keeps generously adding to your kitty?
And look what Orkut had to offer:
Today's fortune: Your luck has been completely changed today
Dammit! Are these fortune messages for real or are they mere generalizations? Are these dictated by how my life proceeds or is my life being dictated by what's mentioned in these?
Labels: Feelings, Frustration
Saturday, March 03, 2007
The Holi Day
As I got up in the morning today, my ears scanned for the cacophony, the melange of giggles, laughter, and shrieks, loud splashes, even louder songs, threats issued out to people like myself who're planning to skip the celebrations by remaining indoors, all of which I've come to associate with the festival of Holi! But surprisingly it was all missing! The only sound that disturbed the serenity emanated from the construction site nearby...
For as far back as I can remember, I've always spent Holi indoors... either watching TV, or playing games! The best part of the day used to be using water-filled pichkaris and balloons, and playing a mock Holi in the backyard with my li'l sister! It struck me as odd that though my parents allowed us to enjoy each and every festival, be it Diwali, Christmas, etc. they were strictly against letting me join my gang who were soaked in colorful dyes on Holi! Probably, the mess I'd make of myself under such conditions was their biggest fear... who knows?! Anyway, the entire day was spent cooped up in the house, locked up like prisoners! The most exciting moments used to be when the crowds used to reach our gates and kept banging on the gates and kept shouting out to us to join them! Not once in the 20 years that I spent Holi with my parents did they give in to their friends' pleas...
Even when at college, most of my pals used to go home to celebrate the festival of colors... I too used to go home but for separate reasons - the main one being to escape the colors! I did somehow decide to check out the gusto with which this festival is celebrated, and so I stayed back at college for Holi in my last year! Turned out that almost everyone had stayed back and mamamia! Hearing the mob out in the corridor gave me goosebumps and I started wondering whether I had taken a really wrong decision to not go home! The mob wouldn;t take no for an answer and I made it to the venue of the festivities, the cricket ground, in one piece though I know I must've looked like a character right out of a kid's painting book:D!
One by one, all the guys were deprived of the clothing covering their upper body by the mob, and in some cases, the lower clothing too! LOL! And once you've been stripped, it was common sense to join the mob in stripping others so as to ensure equality! Who wants to be the odd-man out?! It was another thing that I was the first victim! Luckily I was unrecognizable! So, after all the initial "kapda phaado" andolan was over, the specially prepared slush was there! One by one, everyone was thrown into it *yucky* and dirt, grime, mud, water, colors, were thrown upon by alleged friends as toppings!
This and much more! Not to mention the sweets! Yummy yum yum! If ever I really felt like a pig, it was then! Somehow walked back to the hostel extremely concious of my semi-nakedness! Hit the showers pronto! Scrubbed myself till my skin felt raw! Woah! What an experience!
All said and done, it was really cool! And what mattered was the wonderful moments with friends! I don't think anything like that will happen again... people seem to have grown more mature and responsible, and such childish things won't look good! BLAH BLAH! But still, who want to celebrate certainly indulge in it! What matters is having the HOLIday spirit intact!
Here's wishing everyone a colorful Holi!!
For as far back as I can remember, I've always spent Holi indoors... either watching TV, or playing games! The best part of the day used to be using water-filled pichkaris and balloons, and playing a mock Holi in the backyard with my li'l sister! It struck me as odd that though my parents allowed us to enjoy each and every festival, be it Diwali, Christmas, etc. they were strictly against letting me join my gang who were soaked in colorful dyes on Holi! Probably, the mess I'd make of myself under such conditions was their biggest fear... who knows?! Anyway, the entire day was spent cooped up in the house, locked up like prisoners! The most exciting moments used to be when the crowds used to reach our gates and kept banging on the gates and kept shouting out to us to join them! Not once in the 20 years that I spent Holi with my parents did they give in to their friends' pleas...
Even when at college, most of my pals used to go home to celebrate the festival of colors... I too used to go home but for separate reasons - the main one being to escape the colors! I did somehow decide to check out the gusto with which this festival is celebrated, and so I stayed back at college for Holi in my last year! Turned out that almost everyone had stayed back and mamamia! Hearing the mob out in the corridor gave me goosebumps and I started wondering whether I had taken a really wrong decision to not go home! The mob wouldn;t take no for an answer and I made it to the venue of the festivities, the cricket ground, in one piece though I know I must've looked like a character right out of a kid's painting book:D!
One by one, all the guys were deprived of the clothing covering their upper body by the mob, and in some cases, the lower clothing too! LOL! And once you've been stripped, it was common sense to join the mob in stripping others so as to ensure equality! Who wants to be the odd-man out?! It was another thing that I was the first victim! Luckily I was unrecognizable! So, after all the initial "kapda phaado" andolan was over, the specially prepared slush was there! One by one, everyone was thrown into it *yucky* and dirt, grime, mud, water, colors, were thrown upon by alleged friends as toppings!
This and much more! Not to mention the sweets! Yummy yum yum! If ever I really felt like a pig, it was then! Somehow walked back to the hostel extremely concious of my semi-nakedness! Hit the showers pronto! Scrubbed myself till my skin felt raw! Woah! What an experience!
All said and done, it was really cool! And what mattered was the wonderful moments with friends! I don't think anything like that will happen again... people seem to have grown more mature and responsible, and such childish things won't look good! BLAH BLAH! But still, who want to celebrate certainly indulge in it! What matters is having the HOLIday spirit intact!
Here's wishing everyone a colorful Holi!!
Labels: Celebration, Colors, Holi
