The drudgeries of life
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Endings and Farwells
*Sighs*
It seems like I've been performing a SWOT analysis of myself for quite some time. And each post is probably a repercussionof the same.
Two weaknesses of mine are quite obovious!
First is an incapability to properly deal with the ending of anything remotely good, be it a movie, a book, a relationship, a conversation, a game, a journey, a visit, anything for that matter. The main reason why I suppose I don't enjoy things to the maximum is because I'm hounded by thoughts of its end not being far away! I'm reminded of my childhood where I used to take really small bites or nibble at icecreams or goodies just to make sure that they lasted longer. It took me time to realize the sad truth that nothing lasts forever!
I guess it'll be the same case when my life is about to end! No, I don't think about death... I'm too busy enjoying my life, and I'm thankful for that! Watching myself dying is something I so don't want to deal with! Call me a coward or whatever, but I really pray that I don't have a miserable, slow death... as compared to lying in bed with a terminal disease eating me up slowly by slowly, or being injected with poison which takes effect at a miserable, leisurely pace, I'd prefer getting struck by lightening, getting shot in the heart, getting swiftly run over! That's it... over in a jiffy!
But anything said and done, endings make me realize how greedy I am... there's always a lingering feeling of had I got a little more of it, a little more time, a longer conversation, a never-ending story, a slef-replenishing bank account :D, a little more room in my tummy to prolong the meal, etc.
Farewells! I suck at them, that too big time! I always hated saying good byes and so longs... I somehow used to get misty eyed as the time to take leave came nearer, and by the time I was leaving, I'd be crying like hell! It amazed my parents how much I could cry! This went on till I was in the 7th standard! When I left my parents and sister for college, I promised myself I'd not shed a tear and though I had that stinging in my eye as I saw them off, I didn't let a drop spill! But the damn college farewell did me in! It was probably the 4 years of beautiful friendships, the strong bonds I had forged with the place and its inhabitants that made me lose my grip on myself! I cried like a kid amidst the closest of my friends! It just sort of happened! Not that I'm embarrassed or anything (why would I be publicising it otherwise), it's just to highlight the fact that though farewells are a part of life, growing accustomed to them is not at all easy!
Life has its way of playing cruel jokes on you... but it makes up for the same in other ways!
An anonymous "Good Morning" message on your desk, some lovely smses, some really long yet cherished mails, happy coincidences, serendipity, long talks about nothing in particular... Who knows remembering these little things might make moving on all the more difficult at some point, but isn't it wiser to live for the moment?
It seems like I've been performing a SWOT analysis of myself for quite some time. And each post is probably a repercussionof the same.
Two weaknesses of mine are quite obovious!
First is an incapability to properly deal with the ending of anything remotely good, be it a movie, a book, a relationship, a conversation, a game, a journey, a visit, anything for that matter. The main reason why I suppose I don't enjoy things to the maximum is because I'm hounded by thoughts of its end not being far away! I'm reminded of my childhood where I used to take really small bites or nibble at icecreams or goodies just to make sure that they lasted longer. It took me time to realize the sad truth that nothing lasts forever!
I guess it'll be the same case when my life is about to end! No, I don't think about death... I'm too busy enjoying my life, and I'm thankful for that! Watching myself dying is something I so don't want to deal with! Call me a coward or whatever, but I really pray that I don't have a miserable, slow death... as compared to lying in bed with a terminal disease eating me up slowly by slowly, or being injected with poison which takes effect at a miserable, leisurely pace, I'd prefer getting struck by lightening, getting shot in the heart, getting swiftly run over! That's it... over in a jiffy!
But anything said and done, endings make me realize how greedy I am... there's always a lingering feeling of had I got a little more of it, a little more time, a longer conversation, a never-ending story, a slef-replenishing bank account :D, a little more room in my tummy to prolong the meal, etc.
Farewells! I suck at them, that too big time! I always hated saying good byes and so longs... I somehow used to get misty eyed as the time to take leave came nearer, and by the time I was leaving, I'd be crying like hell! It amazed my parents how much I could cry! This went on till I was in the 7th standard! When I left my parents and sister for college, I promised myself I'd not shed a tear and though I had that stinging in my eye as I saw them off, I didn't let a drop spill! But the damn college farewell did me in! It was probably the 4 years of beautiful friendships, the strong bonds I had forged with the place and its inhabitants that made me lose my grip on myself! I cried like a kid amidst the closest of my friends! It just sort of happened! Not that I'm embarrassed or anything (why would I be publicising it otherwise), it's just to highlight the fact that though farewells are a part of life, growing accustomed to them is not at all easy!
Life has its way of playing cruel jokes on you... but it makes up for the same in other ways!
An anonymous "Good Morning" message on your desk, some lovely smses, some really long yet cherished mails, happy coincidences, serendipity, long talks about nothing in particular... Who knows remembering these little things might make moving on all the more difficult at some point, but isn't it wiser to live for the moment?
5 Comments:
I was just thinking of farewells, and what do u knw, so are u! :)
Its really so hard to say goodbye. I'm the kind of person who keeps holding on to the past, even if it's a tiny fragment, just to keep that one memory alive. But sooner or later, I have to let go. So i guess Goodbyes are just an unavoidable part of life...but then hey, so are hellos! ;)
Take care! :)
oh my God! you too? i always worry about the end of such things too! i dread the end of a good movie or book as well, and when it comes to friendships, well recently a dear friend and i spent a week together (he's lives in another state) and when it was time to say goodbye i had big tears in my eyes and hugged him so much he said "hey its not the last time we'll see each other". he was like "hmm sentimental jen" and forget my last week in pune, i cried everyday thinking about leaving, esp about leaving G behind. :(
as always ur writing hits home with me. :)
sigh! farewells and goodbyes are so difficult..hell i cant even say goodbyes to old clothes!!
Yeah man! Its really hard.
but lucky me, My time hasn;t come yet :D
lol!!
Peace & Love
JeeVY
@megz
coincidences never seem to cease!
that's a nice way to deal with farewells! never did give much thought to the plethora of hellos :) thanks!
@jen
the never-ending story as far as coincidences are concerned!
thanks:)
@herenow
yep! anything old for that matter when it comes to me... torn books, small clothes, smses, mails, etc.:D
@rajeev
hehe! neither has mine;)
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